What If You
by athenanoctea
Summary: But for tonight I’ll stay here with you...


**Title**: What If You (1/1)  
**Lyrics**: "What If You" by Joshua Radin

**Author**: carpenyx

**Date**: 06/09/2007  
**Rating**: PG  
**Characters/Pairings**: Kara/Anders  
**Genre**: Angst  
**Summary**: _But for tonight I'll stay here with you_...  
**Spoilers**: None; set during season 3.  
**Beta**: nebazanezer  
**Word Count**: 1,060  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own, just playing on the Galactica with my pilots. No copyright infridgement intended.

**What If You**

_**Lyrics by Joshua Radin**_

_oooooooooo_

_What if you could wish me away_

_And what if you spoke those words today_

_I wonder if you'd miss me, when I'm gone_

_It's come to this, release me_

_I'll leave before the dawn_

_oooooooooo_

Kara's arm was tucked under her head, the other draped across her stomach as she stared at the ceiling above her bunk. She couldn't recall the last time she had slept through the night.

"Sam, you awake?" Kara's voice echoed through the stillness of the sleeping quarters.

He didn't wake.

Kara rolled onto her side to face him. He looked so peaceful and at ease, not a single care in the universe. She combed her fingers through his hair and wondered what it would feel like to be able to wish it all away for a couple of hours.

She let her fingers fall from his face and her eyes caught sight of their promise to each other etched into his arm. She outlined the black ink with her finger tip lightly. A sigh escaped her.

Kara's fingers lingered, her eyes welling up, and her cheeks starting to flush a pale red.

_oooooooooo_

_But for tonight I'll stay here with you_

_Yes for tonight I'll lay here with you_

_But when the sun hits your eyes_

_Through your window_

_There'll be nothing you can do_

_oooooooooo_

There were moments when she wanted nothing more than to claw out his eyes, rip his heart from his chest, and tear him down… to nothing.

And than there were the moments when she wanted to take him into her arms, hold onto him, and tell him she loved him – more than he'd ever really know.

It didn't matter.

"Let me go, Sam," she whispered into his ear as he slept.

_---_

_oooooooooo_

_And what if you could hear this song_

_And what if I felt like I belonged_

_I might not be leaving oh so soon_

_Began the night believing I loved you in the moonlight_

_oooooooooo_

He barely remembered the last time she's slept through the night. This time the credit went to ambrosia – she had drunk until she had passed out.

Sam threaded his fingers through hers and pulled her hand to his chest as he watched her sleep. She looked so restless and distraught. He pushed a strand of her hair away from her face. There wasn't a single thing he could do. He wondered what it must feel like to carry the weight of the universe on your shoulders.

"Kara?" he whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

She didn't wake.

Sam paused and lingered. He inhaled slowly, holding his breath for as long as he could – branding the memory of her scent in his mind.

_oooooooooo_

_So for tonight I'll stay here with you_

_Yes for tonight I'll lay here with you_

_But when the sun hits your eyes_

_Through your window_

_There'll be nothing you can do_

_oooooooooo_

There were moments he wanted to take her into his arms, tell her how much he loved her, and wish it all away and take the burdens from her shoulders onto his own.

There were moments when he knew she wouldn't ever let him, that he wasn't what she needed, and that she'd never love him the way he loved her.

It didn't matter.

"I love you, Kara…"

_---_

_oooooooooo_

_I could have treated you better_

_Better than that_

_Well I'm gone this song's your letter_

_Can't stay in one place_

_oooooooooo_

Kara pulled the blanket over his shoulder as he slept. With a pang in her heart, she wished she didn't have to do this…

She leaned towards him and placed a soft kiss against his mouth – careful not to wake him. The taste of him lingered on her lips after she pulled away. She shut her eyes and etched him into her memory. She hoped he'd be okay… after she was gone.

"Sam…" she exhaled slowly.

She choked back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her. It was only in these moments that she let her guard down… and she hated it. She didn't want to feel defeated, didn't want to feel like she failed… she wished she hadn't failed _him_.

There had been moments she thought she could stay, make it work, and be content to just be his wife.

But she knew she couldn't stay, that she was all wrong for him, and that he deserved someone who could love him completely – body and soul.

"I'll miss you, Sam."

---

_oooooooooo_

_So for tonight I'll stay here with you_

_Yes for tonight I'll lay here with you_

_oooooooooo_

He might've been blind to many things regarding Kara Thrace. Tonight he knew she wasn't sleeping, but rather that she was avoiding him – but he chose not to mind.

Sam slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close into him. He wanted to shield her from the outside world, to take away all of her pain. It was pointless – she wouldn't ever allow him to be her protector and savior. He buried his face in the mess of her blonde hair, wishing there was something…

"Kara?" His voice cut through the silence between them.

She didn't answer.

Tears filled his eyes as he squeezed her tight.

He wished that he could fight her, to make her stay...

But he knew deep in his soul that he had to let her go…

"Goodbye, Kara…"

---

_oooooooooo_

_But when the sun hits your eyes_

_Through your window_

_There'll be nothing you can do_

_oooooooooo_

She didn't dare face him – she couldn't bare to look into his eyes and see his pain.

Kara let herself melt into his arms – one last time. She felt comforted by his closeness, if only for the moment. She wanted nothing more than to allow him to take her away from this hell that was her life, to ease her pain – but she couldn't. She closed her eyes as she fought back the tears.

She heard him say her name, she didn't answer.

A tear trickled down her cheek and dampened her face as he hugged her close.

She wished that he would fight her and make her stay…

But then she knew in the end that he couldn't be who she needed him to be…

"Goodbye, Sam…"


End file.
